Day by Day

Hello Everyone!

Ok I am going to try and keep this blog going, I know it has been awhile since I posted anything. I am not going to lie and say things are going great around here. It is a struggle everyday. Homework is so much fun as is packing lunches. But in reality we just miss Kate so much. I think she is going to come home soon, but I really know that is not the case. We are really blessed with all the help and support we are getting. I know I could not survive without this help. At times I feel like the little boy in the movie Home Alone. I have gone to the grocery store, done some laundry, ordered pizza, even put up Christmas decorations. I am just waiting for Kate to come back and save me from these kids, I mean the thieves. Really with all the help we have had we are surviving pretty good. I do know that I want to call Kate and tell her, Thanks for everything she did for the kids and me. I do know that every husband should give their wife a big kiss and thank them for everything they do. 

     I really want to try and update more often I will try and make an effort as I think Kate would want me to. I know a lot of our friends see this through Facebook. I do not have Facebook and I said I never would, but Kate did ask us to shut her Facebook down, so I will do that soon and figure something out. I have a lot to say about how wonderful the celebration was for Kate. As hard as that day was I can't imagine a better funeral/celebration. The mass was the most beautiful mass I have ever been to. Kate wanted a party and boy did Sue & Mark, with a huge group of friends, deliver. I can not thank them enough. A lot of people have asked for the eulogy, here it is.

Thanks for everyone's support, please keep us in your prayers. 

With Love,  
John.                          
                                                      Kate Wordeman Words of Remembrance

​Wow, Hello everyone! Thank you for being here today, it really means a lot to the whole family and me. I am not sure how to talk about such a wonderful woman in 5 minutes, Kate was so special too so many people. 

I met Kate through a friend; she came to watch one of our co-ed softball games. I immediately knew I liked her, she was so pretty and had a very fun vibe about her. I am not sure if she was impressed with my superior athletic ability or just really liked me, because after that she started playing on our team. I know she didn’t like playing at all, but she did it to be with me and my friends. Kate was always up for a challenge. I think of the first time I introduced her to my family, it was the 4th of July picnic at my parents’ house. We had about 50 people playing whiffle ball all in the yard and she had to walk up in the middle of the group and meet everyone at once. I know she was intimidated but she handled it with Grace and fit right in with everyone. She has been part of the family ever since.

Kate was a great wife, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend but most of all a great MOTHER! Ellie and Kate were going through some of Kate’s old papers and assignments. They came across a paper that was from Kate’s 1st grade. The paper said what do you want to be when you grow up? Kate had written in big sloppy letters “A MOM” Well Kate you accomplished this more than you know. You are a fantastic Mom!

We all know the last two and a half years have been a challenge, but if you ever asked Kate or saw Kate you would not have known it. She not only lived the last 2 ½ years with Faith, Wisdom and Grace, but I believe her whole life. I had many people tell me when they saw her that they couldn’t even tell she was sick. She really carried herself well and always gave off a positive vibe. I knew she was hurting but she never let the kids or the outside see it. 

One of the things I really admired and disliked about Kate was her generous nature and reckless spending for others.  It did not matter to Kate what kind of job you had or what you made. She was friends with people at coffee shops (boy did she love her coffee) Target employees, all the nurses, mailmen, to people that had their own company or were heads of companies. She made friends instantly. She made friends with a group of girls on a blog and they became great friends. (I know many are here today. The scrap book group, they all had a great time going on a weekend getaway every year. I think more wine was had than scrap book pages made. She definitely paid it back. She would always leave a generous tip, pay for someone’s meal or coffee, send a friend flowers or a gift at the right time.  After Kate’s first surgery when we got home the first flowers we received, I opened the card and it said from “Your Target Family” I wasn’t sure if I was in awe or furious, I know I was amazed and told Kate you spend way too much time at Target. I am sure Target and Kohls stocks have dropped after Kate’s passing.

I am not sure why God has taken us on this path, but Kate never complained once and took the challenge with full Faith, Wisdom and Grace. The kids would tell her it is not fair. Kate always responded that “fair” is where you get cotton candy. I believe God gave us this challenge to bring everyone together. Kate has brought St. Gertrude School and parish, a community, family, internet community and many more together. The love shown for Kate and our family has been amazing and I see God working through every one of you every day.  Kate always talked about how it takes a “village” to get through this. Our Village could not be any better I cry a lot in awe of what everyone is doing for us and how everyone has sacrificed for us. I wish I could name every one of you here right now, but this mass wouldn’t be over till next week. We still need the “village” Please continue to pray for us and others that are suffering in our “village.”

I love these kids with all my heart and I know Kate will continue to look out for us from above and guide us and all of you on our journey through life. I miss Katherine dearly. I have found myself driving around this week and picked up my cell phone to call Kate and just say “Hi, Kate, How are you? How are the kids doing? Ask about their sporting events. She loved to watch them play their sports. She would but their schedules on the calendar and we would look at it and then each other and she would always say “I need to breath into a paper bag.” But we loved staying busy watching them. But I realized she was not there to call. But I also realized I/we do not need to call/text Kate on the phone anymore. We can just look up or silently talk to her. She will always be with us and she will always answer our prayers. I am not sure what kind of cell plan this is but it has got to be cheaper as you know Kate loved her cell phone.

Kate and I were lucky enough to go to Kuai for our honeymoon. As you can image it was beautiful, I am sure it is as close as I have seen to what Heaven would look like. Kate loved being on the beach and having her toes in the sand with a drink in her hand. We went to an off the beaten path to a place called Queens Bath. The waves would crash over the rocks and fill up a bath about 10 feet deep. I went in, but the girl that was always up for a challenge was a little scared to go in to Queens Bath. She always talked about how she wish she would have gone in that day and if we ever got back there she would jump right in. I believe today she is sitting in Queens Bath looking at us all and smiling, telling us it is ok to cry, but to start to dry those eyes and celebrate her life. She is at peace and she is going to take care of us now.      

Thank you and God Bless! 

In Memory of KATHERINE 'Kate' WORDEMAN --

It is with a heavy heart that I share over the weekend Kate passed away.



I can not tell you how much she loved everyone and how hard she fought to stay with us. I am so touched by all the prayers and support the kids and I have been receiving each and every day. The kids and I are getting by each day, but we do need your continued prayers. I have much more to say and will do so at a later time. Kate will be sorely missed.



Kate's obituary and funeral arrangements are listed below.



Thank you and God bless.



John





In Memory of KATHERINE 'Kate' WORDEMAN --

Blog Takeover

Hello Everyone,

      This is John and I have taken over the blog today. Kate has had a bit of a rough weekend. (Not like in her younger days during Labor Day Weekend.) this was rough because of Kate's pain. Kate has had a lot of pain in her hip, on Wednesday she went to get an X-Ray and it showed she has fractured her right hip. This is where the cancer was and where she was getting radiation while she was in the hospital two weeks ago. On Friday we went to an orthopedic surgeon who said she would need a hip replacement, which we said would not be possible. They said it would heal on its own. For someone like me, you know I am very active, it would heal in 8 weeks on bed rest. For Kate it would be double that. 16 weeks of bed rest, I know a day or two doesn't sound too bad right now but 16 weeks is crazy.

      So this weekend around the kids activities, I spent at home with Kate. She really hasn't eaten hardly at all and drinking just a little bit. Kate is still in good spirits laying in bed and listening to the kids and myself. The hip was really causing her a lot of pain, was very hard to get her to the restroom and back. On Monday we called her Dr. he said she needed to be admitted to the hospital. We needed to call 911 because the only way we could get her out of the house and to the hospital was on a stretcher. Wouldn't you know it as the paramedics were putting her on the stretcher on our bed he said. "Man you guys really have a great house!" Kate asked him if he wanted to buy it. No luck there either.

We spent all day in the ER and got in her room around 5-5:30. She did eat a quarter of a grilled cheese sandwich. I left by 8 had to get home to watch the Buckeyes Game, I mean take care of the kids.

She is on a lot of pain meds now, not sure how long she will be in the hospital.

    I am praying everyday for guidance for Kate and myself. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring or what our path will be but I know we will all get through it together. I can not tell you how blessed we are by all the support we have around us. From people helping with laundry, meals, food for lunches, rides for sporting events and school, Brandon, Kevin and Len coaching my soccer teams while I have been out of commission. Friends at work helping me get by. Sue and Ann helping me with homework, why does homework need to be so hard? I graduated from college I should be able to do K,3rd,6th, and 8th grade homework. Debbie thank you so much for helping Margo with her first assignment. I know I have not thanked everyone, I could write all day and list hundreds of people, but you know who you are, Thank You! Cards and letters have been amazing, Kate and I love reading them.

     But the most important thing we have received from all of you is your love, thoughts and prayers. I can not believe how many people are praying for us and how blessed we are to have all of you in our "village". Please continue your prayers not only for us but for each other. I know many other people in our "village" are also suffering and have had bad news or major setbacks lately. Right now prayers are needed now more than ever and you will all be in mine.

     I will try and keep everyone updated.

Thank you and God Bless!

John

Grounded...

Grounded... The title for this post seems very fitting. I feel grounded in so many ways, that I think I can only give bullet points to catch up. Also, I am finding some of them difficult to discuss at the moment. But one thing is so very clear - all of your love for our family. It is overwhelmingly amazing to witness first hand. Thank you just seems petty.

Where to begin?

• We visited The Basicila I wrote about, on Sunday and the friends and loved ones that showed up to pray with us was beyond words and deserves a post of its own. 

Here is a picture of the last to leave...

• Things get a little blurry from here. My friend Margaret and her husband we here for a visit so she took me in to chemo. Even with a lowered dose, it was a horrible week. I was just so sick and yet again, so many stepped up to the plate to help
• The following Sunday, my brother and sister-in-law came into to Cincinnati for a long over due visit and stayed until Wednesday.
•  I was suppose to have chemo the next day, but couldn't since my blood counts were too low on  Monday, August 10th.  It was also this week that we learned that we did not get our house on G-Lane. To say we are crushed is an understatement. We are even more upset that the seller was dishonest and sneaky. He rented the house while we were still negotiating the inspection. Even his realtor didn't know about the dishonesty etc. And since again, we conceded in well, everything, I don't understand how he would rather rent his house than sell it. He also, in my opinion, basically tried to blackmail us out of $4,000 when he said that the renter would leave the lease for that much $ but we had to pay it! Upon asking to see a signed lease agreement, he completely bailed. Please remind John that there are other houses out there for us to look at!
• Saturday the 15th was my first trip to the ER for fluids and anti-nausea meds. I was not happy about it, felt horrible and my sister Libby bore the brunt of my first ER breakdown. Those of you that know my germ phobia can't even begin to imagine... Love you Libs! Again, I feel like God was again putting his hand on my shoulder when our (especially Henry's) beloved Mrs. Bayers son walked into my room and would be my nurse. Thank you Tony!
•   
  
• 17th had chemo and went back to the infusion ward for fluids and anti-nausea meds.  I also had to go back to the ER on Friday and Sunday for more and I was just getting sicker and sicker. 
• That Friday, in the ER, I could finally have enough pain meds and complete an MRI on my pelvis... Oh you damn pelvis. Yep- cancer has spread to my hip socket, femur, sacrum, a bit on the other femur... Hence the pain in my hip. Sigh again.
• Saturday, I went to my sweet goddaughters first field hockey game. Well, I stayed in the van and watched a bit between dozing. 
• Sunday was a blur again and I was clearly not getting better. I was going in to meet with Dr.A. And Dr. S on Monday the 24th since we were all pretty sure chemo would be stopped and radiation to my pelvis would start. And it did- Dr. S and his people busted a move got my markers on and radiated. 
• Then I went over to BNorth and was immediate admitted to the hospital. Which is where I still am. I am much better. Pain and nausea are under control. Still unsteady on my feet and not quite sure when I will be leaving. 
• I have not felt well enough to update and man do they keep you busy. I have been very humbled having to be transported to go over to radiation in an ambulance. 

And here my friends is where we need to have as I call "a come to Jesus" 

Please don't be annoyed with me, or Melissa or John or Libby. They had been sworn to secrecy that I was here- although John and Melissa's faces were priceless when I asked to be admitted. YouKNOW if I was asking to go into a hospital, I.was.s.i.c.k sick!

At first and still now, I just do not feel well and the thought of having visitors was causing me a breakdown. And honestly, when I do go home I am asking for no visitors there either. My blood counts are still dangerously low and I just can't be exposed to any germs. Honestly, just the thought of me making it home and getting into my bed is exhausting me!

Thank you so SO much for understanding. 

John needs extra prayers for the last couple of weeks. I am rightfully worried about him and he is working at work and working from home and working with all of the children and their first week of school and homework (!) It was also his birthday yesterday and while spent a nice afternoon with exhausted children, I don't quite think it was what he had been envisioning his 44th birthday to be. He is just such a good guy and father-I am so blessed. 

He also had the privilege of taking the kids to their first day of school and Margo to her first day of kindergarten! 

So, Good News First or Bad?

Let's start with the bad and just move on shall we?

After my 10th and final radiation on Monday, John, Melissa and I went upstairs for our appointment with Dr.A (the oncologist) There was question of more testing before starting chemo which would require an overnight hospital stay or two. After being told that with having these tests, it wouldn't change the outcome of the chemo, we decided to just jump into chemo since I was rightfully feeling a huge sense of urgency to get these chemos into me and start killing all of the cancer cells.

Now, after giving birth to 4 children, I learned very early on you just don't ask your doctor "how big the baby is" BEFORE you must deliver the baby. There just isn't a point to it. No matter how big the baby is, the doctor is just guessing and you still have to birth said ginormous although guaranteed sweet baby. I am also going to apply this to our conversation with Dr. A last Monday. When you ask point blank, how much time he thought I have on this Earth, A. You are never going to be happy with the answer because it would never be enough time. B. Although he is a very qualified doctor, his answer is just a very scary guess.

It comes down to this. IF this chemo combo does not work at controlling the cancer AND I am too weak to continue onto another chemo, well, let's just say I didn't like his answer and I really should probably start getting my shit in order. But you know what? I will NOT give up. I want John and my children to remember that I loved them so fiercely that I would do anything to stay here with them.

Speaking of the children, I am just so worried about how they are handling the news of all of this. Clearly, they have an abridged version but still honest. It is just so horrible that I can't say " It will be fine" now I say "You will be ok" I.hate.it.

Ok enough lets talk good.

John and I had narrowed down our house choices to one we can't afford and one we really can't afford. :) Last Saturday, we had two showings on our house and found ourselves in front of the house on G. Lane. Then we drove around the neighborhood. Then back down G. Lane. Then sitting in the driveway of G. Lane. While sitting in the driveway, out of the corner of my eye, I see a hummingbird flittering around the front bushes!! Then, it zooms around the yard! And back to the bushes! Not many people know that hummingbirds have always reminded me of one of my favorite people in the world whom I considered my "Mom" for many years Ann Ward. The last time I have seen a hummingbird was outside our back porch when I was calling friends and family about my breast cancer diagnosis two years ago. I feel like a little piece of my heart was forever broken when Ann passed away from breast cancer before Sarah was born. So, you can imagine my complete freak out and sobbing upon seeing this hummingbird. We put an offer in that night and as of yesterday, barring the inspection, we are the very happy yet flipped out home owners of a beautiful house on G. Lane. It is further away from our circle of friends and family but are praying they won't mind the extra 10 minute drive to visit and help us.
Also, when I was having chemo Monday, we were sitting next to the nicest older couple. The wife was receiving chemo and she looked as defeated as I felt. I'm sure it was not the best day she has ever had. The sweet husband held her hand and was just so nice. We chatted about different things, they had twin 45 year old sons and about grandchildren etc. When our friend who blessedly and amazingly works for Dr. A. came over to check on us, we were chatting about the house on G. Lane and the husband says " We live on G. Lane!" AREYOUKIDDINGME?!?! 14 houses on the entire street and we are sitting next to each other. God is so good at giving peace. It never ceases to amaze me.

I have been told many times about The Basilica of Our Lady of Consolation in Carey, Ohio. And a really nice, hand written letter from our friend Fr. Jim encouraging me to go has prompted us to jump into action and go this Sunday. PLEASE consider joining us there for the Noon mass and to then prayerfully tour the grounds which I have heard are beautiful. I am really looking forward to it!

Ok enough, this has taken me too long to write and Melissa has 1/2 of my children! Again, thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts. For your dinners and lunches and snacks. For your wonderful cards and emails and texts. I love my village that is holding us. Thank you...

Just...ugh...

This week has been has been utterly and completely exhausting. Radiation has been going fine. I finished my 9th radiation this morning and my last one will be Monday. I am then hoping (can't believe I am saying that) to jump straight into a new chemo. I have a slight sense of urgency for this. Because ... Of the results of my CT scan I had last Monday... It isn't good and I feel so horribly mad and bad. Like I am not only disappointing myself but everyone praying and doing so much for our family. I hate the fact that my own body is failing me. I mean sure I haven't treated it perfectly #myloveforDoritos... But it's not like I ever smoked or did drugs!
I have more metastasis in my... Liver- too many to count but 2 very large masses (4cm x 3+ cm)
                                                   Hard palate of my mouth and sinus - Wha? Huh?
                                         Lymph- just a lot of places including a chain up my jugular vein in my neck
And let's recap, And add in what we already knew- spine and brain

See, I told you I was falling apart. I feel better that again, this great team has a plan. Just as God does for me, like it or not, I am along for the ride.

Eleven years ago on July 22, I gave birth to one of the sweetest girls I know. My Sarah Ann. I can't believe she is 11! Melissa and my friend AR organized the best surprise party for her (and me,) with some of our friends and family. It was wonderful to see her truly smile. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and it worries me considerably.

I am unable to drive and it is oh so humbling. I also fell again- my own stupidity turning and reaching for socks. I am using a wheelchair out and about and must use a cane or preferably a walker that I just  was given today. Thank you LJ! My neuropathy and weakness is going to be an extremely slow recovery- if at all but all of the docs are hopeful. 

You just would not believe how many people have helped us out since all of this news has hit us again. Thank you just doesn't seem enough.

As you know, we are working on selling and buying houses. This seems silly, but I am asking you to please pray John and I make the best and wisest decision for our family. And that our house sells asap (Mrs. Bayer, we are getting St. Joseph to bury!) so we have the ability to make an offer on a house. After our news, I think it is safe to say John and I are feeling a hopeless sense of urgency. 

Thank you everyone for storming Heaven on our behalf - you just can't imagine the comfort we feel from your prayers.

Whirlwind...

How is it that in less then a week, I have gone from this...

To this...

As I had said, my neuropathy has been horrible and I was having trouble walking on numb feet. Last week while on our wonderful vacation, I fell again trying to get out of the rain on the beach. My legs just wouldn't hold me up. Since this was my third fall in a week, the next morning, I called IU and talked to my sweet nurse C thinking I was definitely out of the clinical trial and was thinking she could schedule some scans and get me going onto my next adventure. Of course this would have had to have been done Monday or Tuesday as our family was to be going to Michigan Wednesday (today)

Dr. M wasn't in but C told me what was happening was not good and that she would talk to Dr. M when she got in and call me in a couple of hours. It was blue skies and I got into my swim suit ready for a great day at the beach. Except C called back within 15 minutes and said that Dr. M wanted me to go to the ER for a brain scan. Wha? Um... No thank you I was going to the beach! Now I do confess that really for the first time on this journey, I was a bit of a tootie- tottie. I wanted to go to the BEACH! It was clear blue skies! Why could this not wait until Monday when I was back home?!

But, as usual, John and Melissa talked some reasoning into me  forced me to get dressed and go to the ER. So, yet again, thank God for Bill and Melissa who took our combined 8 children to the beach for the day. Hey, they had beer AND snacks and the BEACH- don't feel too sorry for them. 😀

The ER doctor was very nice and since I was having leg weakness, he added a lumbar MRI in addition to the brain MRI. 

When he returned after my tests, John and I were completely dumbfounded to have him tell us that my cancer has not only metastasized to my brain, but also to my L1,L2 and L4 vertebrae. I was also told that my L2 was not stable and he was very worried about it fracturing.

 Dumbfounded I tell you. Just shocked and oh so sad.

We decided to not tell the kids until we were home. They knew something was going on but that we were waiting on tests. 

We have a friend in the business you might say and are SO blessed to have him take us under his wing and get us in to some fantastic doctors he trusts and whom are willing to work with our beloved Dr. M at IU. Sometimes it's not what you know, it's who you know. He had appointments lined up for first thing Monday morning and was the first smiling face we saw walking into that office. God is so good at placing the right people in your life at the right times!

We told the children after church on Sunday. I'll  be honest, I was sick to my stomach. Why was I having to yet again do this to them!? All because my body can't beat back cancer, they get to live with uncertainty and sadness. It disgusts me and is just not fair. This is also the first time we have told them that we honestly don't know what the outcome will be but that we feel this has taken a turn for the serious. Everyone was devastated as you can imagine. Margo has no clue and laughed. 

Moving onto the medical... I finished round 2 of 10 rounds of radiation this morning. My legs are extremely weak and I am using a cane and am getting a walker- comments at diffrent times from Margo and Sarah upon being told this.

Margo: "like those things old ladies use?"

Sarah: " geez mom, GRANDMA doesn't even use one of those!"

Nice...